Psyche· Body· DignITY
Understanding and healing when adult relationships
and systems become sources of trauma and harm
Dr. Kerstin Hecker
Depth Psychology · Somatic Experiencing · Organizational Dynamics · Speaking
When Relationships Become Sources of Harm
Throughout adulthood, relationships profoundly shape how we experience safety, belonging, identity, agency, and meaning. We bring our histories, expectations, vulnerabilities, and ways of protecting ourselves into the relationships we form.
When relationships become threatening, unpredictable, humiliating, coercive, or destabilizing, especially over time, they can affect our whole being, particularly our nervous system, sense of self, and inner dialogue. In groups, these dynamics can become amplified.
Relational harm can arise in families, partnerships, schools and universities, spiritual communities, sports teams, coaching communities, and workplaces. In professional environments, hierarchy, authority, status, and livelihood can make this harm particularly consequential.
My work explores what happens to the human psyche and body when power violates dignity, trust, belonging, and moral reality.
The Heart Behind My Work
My work with people grew from the question: What creates health in our lives, bodies, and the places we live and work?
I’ve worked in cultures where stress was glorified and saw people bring that same intensity into healing, pushing themselves in the name of balance. Somatic and depth psychology taught me that health begins in relationship: with our bodies and nervous systems, with the people around us, and with the worlds we move through. From birth to death, our social connections shape how our brains and bodies develop, how we perceive the world, and how we manage stress. One core finding from the 80-year Harvard Study of Adult Development makes this clear: people with stronger, more satisfying relationships tend to be healthier and live longer.
But relationships can also become sources of harm. What happens to us when the relationships we depend upon begin to erode our sense of safety, belonging, agency, or dignity?
A 2026 study by Lee et al. found that negative social ties were associated with faster biological aging, poorer mental and physical health, and greater inflammation. Each additional negative tie was associated with approximately 1.5% faster biological aging, equivalent to about nine months of additional biological age. An earlier version of the study found that ambivalent relationships, those that provide support while also creating stress, were particularly associated with accelerated biological aging. Psychologically, this kind of ambivalence can keep hope alive, making it harder to recognize.
These deeper relational patterns are at the heart of my work. My blog is one way I explore the experiences within relationships that are often difficult to name.
BETWEEN PEOPLE · WITHIN SYSTEMS · WITHIN PEOPLE
Human experience does not unfold in isolation. What happens within us is shaped by our relationships, while those relationships, in turn, are shaped by the groups, cultures, and systems in which they unfold.
BETWEEN PEOPLE
The relational field
Parents and primary caregivers are our first relationships. Long before we have words for it, they teach us something about safety, trust, belonging, authority, conflict, having needs, and whether it is safe to speak up. Throughout adulthood, relationships continue to shape us. They can create connection, trust, and belonging, but they can also become sources of conflict, exclusion, manipulation, coercion, and harm.
WITHIN SYSTEMS
The context and power
Relationships are shaped by the systems and cultures in which they unfold. Every group has explicit and implicit rules about what is acceptable, expected, encouraged, or discouraged. Roles, hierarchies, power, gender expectations, cultural norms, and social status influence how people behave, what they feel able to say, and whose perspective is taken seriously. Power matters because it shapes what people can risk, who is heard, who is protected, and who is held accountable.
WITHIN PEOPLE
What becomes internalized and embodied
What happens between people and within systems is also lived within the psyche and body. Relational experiences shape our implicit expectations of ourselves and others, our nervous-system responses, protective strategies, and ways of making sense of what is happening. Some responses are conscious. Others become automatic, particularly under stress.
IN PROFESSIONAL ENVIRONMENTS
Why this matters at work
Workplaces bring these dynamics into settings where power, status, belonging, livelihood, and professional identity can all be at stake. Formal roles and hierarchies influence what people feel able to say, challenge, or risk. What happens between people can therefore affect not only individual well-being, but also coworkers, teams, leadership, and organizational culture.
Understanding what happens within people, between people, and within systems that shape those relationships is essential to creating healthier environments.
Discover ways to navigate AND ADDRESS hostility at work
I help people affected by workplace bullying regain clarity and vitality, while helping leaders and organizations understand the dynamics of workplace harm and respond effectively.
EMPLOYEES
Reclaim Your WELL-BEING
After Workplace HARM
Have you experienced hostility, exclusion, manipulation, or a troubling shift in the way you are treated at work? Do you find yourself replaying conversations, second-guessing, anticipating what might happen next, or questioning who to trust?
Workplace harm is not always easy to recognize. What may begin as confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, or a growing sense that something is wrong can reflect deeper patterns of hostility, exclusion, manipulation, or abuse of power.
I support you in making sense of what has happened, restoring trust in yourself, and finding a way forward.
EMPLOYERS
Address Workplace HARM,
Restore Trust and accountability
Are you receiving complaints about leadership, bullying, exclusion, or culture? Have you tried training, mediation, or other interventions, yet the underlying problem persists, escalates, or resurfaces?
Workplace harm can carry significant organizational costs, affecting turnover, productivity, absenteeism, trust, and collaboration. What may appear to be an isolated interpersonal problem can reflect deeper relational, leadership, or systemic dynamics
I help organizations understand relational dynamics, identify what may be overlooked, and strengthen leadership and trust.
Educators
EQUIP STUDENTS TO
ADDRESS HOSTILITY AT WORK
Are you preparing students to recognize hostility, exclusion, bullying, or abuse of power at work? Do they understand the dynamics that shape these experiences?
Workplace relationships are shaped by more than individual behavior. Power, group dynamics, belonging, and organizational culture influence how people respond, what becomes normalized, and whether others speak up or remain silent.
I help students understand power, influence, and group dynamics, drawing on my doctoral research and subsequent scholarship on relational harm and the abuse of power..
PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT
Finding Your Way Back to Yourself
When an important adult relationship becomes a source of harm, the effects can reach deeply into the psyche and body. You may find yourself questioning your perceptions, losing trust in yourself, feeling constantly on guard, or struggling to understand why you are responding as you are.
I work with people affected by relational harm, betrayal, abuse of power, exclusion, and other experiences that have disrupted their sense of safety, dignity, belonging, or agency. This may arise in workplaces, as well as in families, partnerships, education, healthcare, coaching, and other significant adult relationships.
DEPTH PSYCHOLOGY
Depth Psychology offers insight into emotional conflicts and helps individuals understand inner and interpersonal processes. It supports the recovery of gifts—dormant or suppressed parts of the Self—leading to a profound alignment with one's deepest values. It is ideal for those facing oppression or anyone seeking personal growth to align with their potential.
Somatic Experiencing®
Somatic Experiencing® brings attention to the body’s experience of stress, threat, and unfinished protective responses, working with sensation and the body’s capacity for regulation to restore safety, choice, and embodied agency. Clinically applied for decades, SE offers a body-oriented approach to the effects of relational harm and trauma.
PSYCHOEDUCATION
Psychoeducation provides the language and frameworks to understand relational dynamics, power, manipulation, exclusion, coercion, and the effects of prolonged stress. Understanding these patterns can help make sense of experiences that may otherwise feel confusing or disorienting and bring greater clarity to what is happening.
ORGANIZATIONAL CONSULTING
Address Relational Harm. Create Healthier Organizations.
Organizations are relational systems. When trust breaks down, power is misused, or harmful dynamics become normalized, the effects can extend far beyond the people directly involved. Teams become less effective, leadership is undermined, skilled people leave, and concerns may remain unspoken.
I help organizations understand what is happening beneath the presenting problem. Together, we examine relational dynamics, leadership, power, group processes, and organizational culture to identify what may be sustaining the difficulty and what needs to change.
My approach is collaborative and grounded in psychological insight, organizational experience, and research. I work with leaders and organizations to develop responses that are thoughtful, accountable, and sustainable within their context.
UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS
Look beyond individual incidents to understand patterns of power, influence, conflict, exclusion, and group behavior.
IDENTIFY WHAT IS OVERLOOKED
Examine what may be sustaining the problem, including leadership practices, organizational norms, roles, communication patterns, and the responses of those around the situation.
CREATE CONDITIONS FOR CHANGE
Develop practical, context-sensitive strategies that strengthen trust, accountability, psychological safety, and effective collaboration.
WORKPLACE BULLYING
RESEARCH & CONTEXT
Workplace bullying is the deliberate or unconscious, persistent, and long-term display of negative behavior and infliction of psychological distress in a setting that involves a power imbalance so that targeted individuals have difficulty defending themselves (Einarsen et al., 2003).
SCOPE
Workplace bullying affects millions of workers. In the 2024 U.S. Workplace Bullying Institute survey, an estimated 74.8 million U.S. workers reported being affected by workplace bullying (Namie, 2024). The ILO (2022) estimates that about one in three workers globally has experienced violence, harassment, or bullying at work.
HOW IT OPERATES
Bullying can take many forms, including persistent criticism, humiliation, exclusion, withholding information or resources, intimidation, social isolation, sabotage, and other behaviors that undermine a person’s ability to participate and defend themselves (Einarsen et al., 2009).
CONSEQUENCES
Exposure to workplace bullying has been associated with significant psychological and physical health consequences, including anxiety, insomnia, depression, impaired concentration, and trauma-related symptoms. The effects can extend beyond the individual to relationships, teams, and organizational functioning (Sansone & Sansone, 2015).
LEGAL CONTEXT
There is no federal law or health or safety regulation in the U.S. that protects all workers from such abuse. CA, TN, UT, and PR have enacted legislation related to workplace bullying (Healthy Workplace Bill, 2024).