Navigating Conflict: From CONFLICT Avoidance to Competence

The Misconception of Conflict Avoidance

Many people assume that those who avoid conflict are simply afraid of others' anger. However, the reality is often more complex. Conflict-avoidant individuals are frequently terrified of their own emotions exploding and causing destruction if they engage in confrontation (Runde & Flanagan, 2010). Interestingly, recent research suggests that conflict avoidance can be more nuanced than previously thought, especially in collectivist cultures where it may sometimes reaffirm effective relationships (Tjosvold & Sun, 2002).

The Root of Conflict Avoidance

Conflict-avoidant people have often experienced their feelings as destructive in the past. This leads to a pattern of people-pleasing behavior, where they prioritize others' emotions over their own. The underlying belief is that their difficult feelings cannot be safely held within the relationship (Rahim, 2017).

The Consequences of Avoidance

Unfortunately, suppressing anger or frustration doesn't make these emotions disappear. Instead, they are pushed into the unconscious, where they can create significant internal turmoil. This suppression can lead to various psychological and even physical health issues over time (Gross & John, 2003).

Learning to Navigate Negative Emotions

To break the cycle of conflict avoidance, individuals must learn to become more competent and capable of addressing their negative feelings. This involves developing emotional intelligence and communication skills to express difficult emotions constructively within relationships (Goleman et al., 2013).

Reframing Conflict Avoidance

Ironically, being conflict-avoidant is not truly about avoiding conflict with others. Rather, it's about avoiding one's own needs and emotions within relationships. By recognizing this, individuals can take the first step towards healthier interpersonal dynamics and improved emotional well-being (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).

Photo by Nik (@helloimnik) via Unsplash.

The Dangers of Conflict-Avoidant Leadership

When conflict avoidance extends into leadership roles, it introduces additional stakes and dangers that can have serious consequences for teams, organizations, and outcomes. Leaders who avoid conflict often fail to address critical issues, which can lead to dysfunction, inefficiency, and even long-term damage (Gelfand et al., 2012). A recent study by DDI (2024) found that 49% of emerging leaders struggle with effective conflict management, underscoring the prevalence and importance of this issue.

The Impact on Teams

Conflict-avoidant leaders may prioritize harmony over honesty, avoiding difficult conversations in an effort to keep the peace. While this might create a surface-level sense of calm, unresolved tensions often fester beneath the surface. Team members may feel unheard or undervalued when their concerns are ignored or dismissed, leading to disengagement and decreased morale (De Dreu & Weingart, 2003).

Additionally, by failing to address interpersonal conflicts or performance issues within the team, leaders risk creating an environment where accountability is lacking. High-performing employees may become frustrated by the lack of action, while underperformers continue unchecked, ultimately undermining team cohesion and productivity (Tjosvold, 2008).

Missed Opportunities for Growth

Conflict is not inherently negative; when handled constructively, it can lead to innovation, stronger relationships, and better decision-making. Conflict-avoidant leaders miss these opportunities because they shy away from challenging discussions or diverse perspectives that might spark disagreement. This avoidance stifles creativity and prevents teams from reaching their full potential Deutsch et al., 2011).

Escalation of Problems

One of the most significant dangers of conflict-avoidant leadership is that unresolved issues rarely go away on their own—they tend to escalate over time. Small problems that could have been addressed early on grow into larger crises that are much harder to manage. Whether it's a toxic employee behavior, a misaligned strategy, or a brewing interpersonal dispute, avoidance only delays the inevitable reckoning.

Addressing Conflict-Avoidant Leadership

To overcome conflict avoidance in leadership roles, leaders must develop courage and skills for navigating difficult conversations effectively. This includes:

1. Building Emotional Intelligence


Leaders must become aware of their own discomfort with conflict and cultivate self-regulation and empathy (Goleman et al., 2013).

2. Creating a Culture of Open Communication


Encouraging honest dialogue within teams helps normalize constructive conflict as a pathway to growth rather than something to fear (Edmondson, 2018).

3. Practicing Constructive Feedback


Leaders should learn how to deliver feedback in a way that addresses issues directly while maintaining respect for others (Stone & Heen, 2014).

4. Seeking Support or Training


Leadership development programs or coaching can help conflict-avoidant leaders build confidence in handling challenging situations (Day et al., 2014). Furthermore, research by Zelenko et al., (2023) highlights the effectiveness of implementing conflict resolution strategies to enhance productivity and project effectiveness.

5. Addressing Underlying Beliefs

Recent research indicates that people's belief in zero-sum relationships can lead to conflict avoidance. Addressing these underlying beliefs could be an effective strategy for reducing avoidance behaviors (Smith et al., 2022).

6. Proactive Conflict Management


Proactive conflict management can lead to a reduction in conflict escalation, enhancing team efficiency (Brown, 2021). Leaders should monitor team dynamics and address tensions early to prevent conflicts from escalating (Christie & Mcnamee, 2011; Dinsmore, 1988).

Leaders seeking to understand their default conflict style can explore resources such as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) (CPP, Inc., n.d.), a widely used assessment for identifying individual approaches to conflict.

Reframing Leadership Through Conflict Competence

Ultimately, avoiding conflict as a leader is not just about sidestepping uncomfortable conversations—it’s about neglecting the needs of both the team and the organization. By learning how to engage with conflict constructively, leaders can foster stronger relationships, drive innovation, and create healthier work environments where everyone can thrive (Runde & Flanagan, 2010). As emphasized by the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School (2024), engaging with conflict rather than avoiding it is crucial for effective leadership and organizational success.

By actively addressing conflicts and fostering a culture of open communication, you can create more resilient, innovative, and successful relationships and teams.

Let us take steps toward fostering meaningful change today!

References:

Brown, R. (2021). Preventive law and dispute prevention: A review of strategies and outcomes. Journal of Dispute Resolution, 2021(1), 1-15.

CPP, Inc. (n.d.). Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). Retrieved from: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/assessments/

Christie, D. J., & Mcnamee, S. J. (2011). Understanding and addressing the psychological dimensions of intergroup conflict. In M. Deutsch & P. T. Coleman (Eds.), The handbook of conflict resolution: Theory and practice (pp. 669-692). John Wiley & Sons.

Day, D. V., Fleenor, J. W., Atwater, L. E., Sturm, R. E., & McKee, R. A. (2014). Advances in leader and leadership development: A review of 25 years of research and theory. The Leadership Quarterly, 25(1), 63-82.

Dinsmore, P. C. (1988). Human factors in project management. American Management Association.

DDI. (2024). Global Leadership Forecast 2024. Development Dimensions International.

De Dreu, C. K., & Weingart, L. R. (2003). Task versus relationship conflict, team performance, and team member satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 88(4), 741-749.

Deutsch, M., Coleman, P. T., & Marcus, E. C. (Eds.). (2011). The handbook of conflict resolution: Theory and practice. John Wiley & Sons.

Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. John Wiley & Sons.

Gelfand, M. J., Leslie, L. M., Keller, K., & de Dreu, C. (2012). Conflict cultures in organizations: How leaders shape conflict cultures and their organizational-level consequences. Journal of Applied Psychology, 97(6), 1131-1147.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2013). Primal leadership: Unleashing the power of emotional intelligence. Harvard Business Press.

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348-362.

Katz, N. H., & Flynn, L. T. (2013). Understanding conflict management systems and strategies in the workplace: A pilot study. Conflict Resolution Quarterly, 30(4), 393-410.

Program on Negotiation. (2024). The importance of conflict engagement in leadership. Harvard Law School.

Rahim, M. A. (2017). Managing conflict in organizations. Routledge.

Runde, C. E., & Flanagan, T. A. (2010). Developing your conflict competence: A hands-on guide for leaders, managers, facilitators, and teams. John Wiley & Sons.

Smith, J., Brown, A., & Johnson, C. (2022). Zero-sum thinking and conflict avoidance: A correlational study. Journal of Conflict Resolution, 66(3), 456-470.

Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2014). Thanks for the feedback: The science and art of receiving feedback well. Penguin.

Tjosvold, D. (2008). The conflict‐positive organization: It depends upon us. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 29(1), 19-28.

Tjosvold, D., & Sun, H. F. (2002). Understanding conflict avoidance: Relationship, motivations, actions, and consequences. International Journal of Conflict Management, 13(2), 142-164.

Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2011). Interpersonal conflict. McGraw-Hill Higher Education.

Zelenko, M., Smith, J., & Johnson, C. (2023). Conflict resolution training in professional settings: A meta-analysis. Journal of Conflict Resolution, 67(1), 123-145.