Women & bullying: Understanding Relational Aggression

Insights for Women Facing Relational Aggression

Going to work can be tough when colleagues or bosses engage in subtle bullying. Many women experience subtle forms of workplace bullying, also referred to as relational aggression—acts that often go unnoticed and unaddressed but heavily undermine a person’s confidence. Understanding this behavior is key to protecting your well-being and thriving professionally.

Understanding Relational Aggression

Relational aggression is a form of bullying characterized by manipulative behaviors aimed at damaging someone’s social relationships or self-esteem. Unlike more overt forms of bullying, such as shouting or open confrontation, relational aggression often manifests through covert tactics, such as gossip, exclusion, silent treatment, or backhanded compliments. These actions can be especially perplexing, leaving you feeling confused and questioning your perceptions.

 The Silent Treatment and Gaslighting

One common tactic of workplace bullies is the silent treatment—a calculated way to express disapproval and exert control. When a colleague ignores you or refuses to engage in conversation, it creates a sense of confusion and frustration. You might find yourself spiraling into anxiety, wondering what you did wrong or if you’re imagining the whole situation.

 This can lead to more overt forms of gaslighting, where the aggressor distorts the truth or attempts to undermine your credibility. You may find yourself second-guessing your actions or dismissing your feelings altogether as the bully works to establish a narrative that positions you as the problem. Such emotional manipulation can erode your self-esteem and sense of belonging in the workplace.

Image by Kristina Flour @tinaflour via Unsplash

Protecting Yourself: Strategies for Assertive Response

When faced with relational aggression, protecting your emotional well-being is vital. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these challenging situations:

1. Document Everything: Record instances that feel like workplace bullying. Note the date, time, and specifics of what occurred and the people present. This documentation can empower you and provide evidence if needed.

2. Maintain Calm Detachment: Respond to relational aggression with calmness. Avoid getting drawn into emotional exchanges or drama. If confronted with gaslighting or dismissive behavior, practice neutral responses like, “I see your perspective,” or disengage from the conversation.

3. Set Boundaries: Know your boundaries and don’t hesitate to assert them. If a colleague’s behavior is troubling, state your limits. You might say, “I prefer to keep our discussions professional,” and redirect the conversation.

4. Seek Support: Talk to trusted people outside the workplace about your experiences. Sharing your feelings and having them validated can provide clarity. Should the acts not stop, seek professional therapeutic help.

Conclusion: Embracing Reality

Recognizing subtle workplace bullying is the first step toward reclaiming your confidence and emotional health. Relational aggression is confusing, but understanding it empowers you to stand firm. Stay aware, stay assertive, and trust your instincts.